World Peace
©1995, j. michael raymondThe entire body of United Nations General Assembly sat in stunned silence today as a group of International medical researchers announced the discovery of a gene believed to be responsible for mankind's predilection for war. A silence which lasted all of fifteen seconds, before enraged shouts of disagreement and protest necessitated a recess of twenty minutes. Experts agree the fifteen seconds of silence is akin to an eternity when any number of diplomats, often with a greater interest in their own politcal agenda than a reasonable, peaceful solution to a problem, are involved. It was the first time in the history of the august body that a silence of any type has been observed.
When the chamber was again called to order, and the scientists allowed to proceed, the revelations were astounding. The first stunner was that the research had been funded by the Vatican in an attempt to determine what makes some people choose to become Catholic, and others to obviously choose to make a mistake. For some unknown reason this seemed to alienate the Latin American countries, but because no one else in the UN speaks Latin, nobody could understand why they were so up in arms.
The next outburst occurred less than a minute later when it was revealed that in large groups of individuals, a.k.a. as communities or countries, the same gene responsible for an individual's choice in religious preference can often lead to violent actions or even war against neighboring communities or countries of differing religious preferences.
"It has long been theorized that economics and environment are the primary reasons that countries go to war," said Dr. G. J. Mendel, the lead genetic researcher in the group. "Our research would indicate this to be an erroneous hypothesis. We now have conclusive proof that the Cold War was not due to motives of expansion, economics, or even world domination. Rather it was due to this errant gene, or perhaps defective would be a better word choice, in the Communist psyche."
"Nyet!" shouted the Russian ambassador, jumping to his feet and storming out of the council chamber. He refused to be molified or to return. He was joined in the foyer just moments later by his American counterpart who apparently had objected to Dr. Mendel's statement about this gene also causing a governing body to refuse to accept constructive criticism or public opinion on a war, such as in Vietnam.
"Bullshit! If the little yellow bastards hadn't been so adept at hiding in that fu..., damn jungle and if they hadn't had their damn kids, kids for Chrissake, toting rifles in a man's war, we would have kicked their collective asses!
"I appologize. I meant no disrespect to the current little yellow bastard in attendance here today. But I will not sit here and endure any more of this nonsense. Next you'll be telling us that Hitler or that camel-fucker Hussein were never really responsible for their actions. That they were predestined because of this gene to threaten the world peace that we have fought so hard and so long to maintain.
"Which reminds me, doesn't this body still owe my country for the troop support we have provided as a peace keeping force in every backwater country on the globe? This is a crock!"
At this, the Secretary-General had to call for another recess to allow for tempers to cool and diplomacy to again settle as a mantle over the crowd. As it turned out, several more breaks had to be called throughout the session for the same reason. The session ended without a vote being called for on the proposed recommendations by the medical team and further discussion was tabled until a later date.
We have obtained a copy of the recommendations and are listing them here for your perusal.
- Proposal Recommendations
- Recommendation: That preliminary testing begin on the Iraqi nation beginning in March.
- Recommendation: Following the succesful reconditioning of the Iraqis, all members of the IRA, the PLO, the CIA, and all PTA's and HOA's be rounded up and sent to treatment centers for gene modification.
- Recommendation: That all Chiefs of States, who seem more inclined to have this gene deficiency, be sent for extensive testing, gene modification, and long periods of continued observation.
- Recommendation: That all children under the age of five in countries with a history of violence and aggression, which according to our research is all of them, be treated next.
- Recommendation: That only by adopting and following these recommendations will we ever see world peace.
- Addendum to Proposal
- Recommendation: That the entire medical and scientific community, worldwide, be exempt, because it can be shown that this "aggression gene" as it is being called, works exactly the opposite in individuals in these fields than it does in the rest of the human population. Rather than causing aggression, or violent attitudes, it is this gene that drives their research and thus it is this same gene that is responsible for all the medical and scientific advancements that have ever been made.